Here I was in The Middle of Night, Sobbing
by Crescent Crystal
Summary: His eyes that were sparkling in the daylight were more beautiful than the sea. And his half-lidded eyes when we made love passionately at night, his lips called my name "Daiki, Daiki," and he whispered "I love you" so gently, so lovingly, pressed our lips together, and slowly closing his teary eyes. I loved his eyes, I loved him.


**Here I was in The Middle of Night, Sobbing**

"Like snow that falls in the hottest summer, our love is a fleeting miracle." - Aimer

It was the same as the nights before. I couldn't sleep at all, I couldn't stay calm. My head was spinning, my eyes felt heavy, but still, everytime I tried to close my eyes, I thought about him. So I couldn't help but open my eyes again. I knew I couldn't, but I wanted to see him.

I wanted to meet him.

I wanted to look at his beautiful sapphires that reflected my love straight back to me. Those eyes that told me he would always be with me. Those eyes, so honest, telling me of his love and hopes to me even with just a slight glance. His eyes that sparkle in the daylight were even more beautiful than the sea. And his half-lidded eyes when we make love passionately at night, his lips calling my name "Daiki, Daiki," and whispering "I love you." so gently, so lovingly, pressing our lips together, and slowly closing his teary eyes. I loved his eyes, I loved him.

I wanted to touch him. His hands, so small compared to mine. So white and so smooth but no, his fingertips were rough, the exact proof of his hard work for these whole years. I liked it. To hold his hand with mine when we were just lying on the bed, or the dancing grass, just like when I took him to my grandmother's village. We were lying there, holding hands, and not doing anything else. Just lying. No talking, no whispering, nothing. We just stayed, and enjoyed the song of the wind. It warmed me up to the core. From my head to toe, I felt loved, I felt joy. I wanted to hold his hands.

I wanted to hold him. To press his petite body against mine. He was small, but firm and strong yet still delicate. He was just the right size for my arms to be wrapped around. So right. When I held him I could feel his body radiating heat, warming up my cold body in the freezing night. I could feel his chest moving up and down, heart beating so fast and maybe, just maybe, if I closed my eyes I would've been able to hear its sound. I could smell his hair, too. It had this fresh and sweet scent. It was soft, tender, and calming. I liked it, his scent. Natural and nice, it smelled just like him. I loved it, I loved him.

I kept thinking about him day by day, night by night. I couldn't sleep at all. I was scared.

Yes, I was scared. Very much so. I hated it but I would admit it.

I couldn't close my eyes. I didn't want to. To sleep and wake up because the first thing I would do was to search for him, for his shadow beside me, for his body beside me, for his hand ready for me to hold like the usual days, like the past–

–but I couldn't find him.

He was nowhere to be found.

And I would search for him all around the house, calling his name, "Tetsu, where are you?" but he wouldn't reply. He wouldn't.

He couldn't.

And then there was those times when I was lost in my thoughts, daydreaming, and then I just fell asleep.

I heard his voice. Crystal clear.

"Daiki," he whispered softly, looking down to me with tears brimming his aquamarines. It was so calming, sucking me into the depth of his pretty irises. Those eyes that I hadn't been looking into for so long, his long lashes, his face, his lips, they were all so near.

He was so near. He was in front of me.

"Tetsu. Tetsu, Tetsu," I called his name, again and again and again. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel him. I reached out for him, to caress his cheeks, to stroke his fluffy baby-blue hair, to take him into a warm embrace.

But I couldn't do it. He was right in front of me, yet out of my reach.

"Tetsu, no. Tetsu why. Tetsuya, I...why..?" My tears started to leak out of the corner of my eyes. Hot streams flowing out down my cheeks. I looked at him, scared that I would be left alone again. But I knew this was just a dream, yet even if it was just that, I still couldn't be with him.

He refused to look me in the eyes, like how he used to, but instead, facing down. I could see drops of tears dripping down. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice trembling. "I'm sorry, Daiki." When he looked up again, despair was clear in his eyes.

And right then, my eyes snapped open to find myself lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. My eyes were wet. And the memories came rushing to me.

I clamped my hand over my mouth, trying my best to not let my voice out. Tears running down again and again, and I couldn't hold back my pathetic sobs. I called his name again and again. Tetsu, Tetsu, Tetsu, Tetsu, Tetsu–

He couldn't answer me.

I knew it, yet even if six years had passed, I couldn't accept it.

I couldn't accept his death just like that. I loved him. I loved him so much. I still did.

I remembered our last day. He told me to be happy. He said,"After I died, please forget everything about me, Daiki. Just throw all my things away and get a beautiful wife that you deserved. Please be happy."

So cruel didn't you think? Saying that just made it harder for me to do so.

But he would be happy if I was, too. He said it himself. So what I could do was just to be happy and accept his departure.

And so there I was, in the middle of the chilling winter night, sitting with my arms wrapped around my legs and mourning the loss of my love. I closed my eyes, not seeing anything, not hearing anything.

"Like a flower that blooms in the harshest winter, now you're just a fleeting memory." - Aimer

**The End**

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**a/n** : Umm, greetings. This is my first time trying to write in English and thus, I expected some mistakes in this work. So please do tell me if there are any. I thank you all so much for reading it to the end. I will do my best to get better. Feel free to leave any comments, advices, or critiques. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

Crescent Crystal


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